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I wanted to share a recipe with you today.

But, this isn’t a typical recipe.

Not exactly.

It is, however, a recipe for happiness.

Sort of.

And that is why I am so excited to share this with you!!

I was craving this last night, and so it was what was on my mind when I sat down to type.

I started eating these for lunch when I was in high school.

The school cafeteria sold bagels with cream cheese.

And, they sold small bags of Doritos.

So, doesn’t it make sense to combine the two?!

Of course it does.

OK … well, it apparently didn’t make sense to most everyone around me.

They thought it was gross.   …  However, three years later, when my sister graduated, she informed me that lots of people were eating it.   …  It’s not easy being weird.  But if it helps to spread happiness, then I will accept my place in life with grace.  …  Well, as much grace as weird can muster.

My disclaimer here is that this is not a fine culinary creation.

It is that of a teenager with a ridiculously high metabolism that lived in a home free of all forms of junk food and refined sugar and salt and preservatives and … etc.  It is also that same teenager that went to school each morning and retrieved breakfast from machines.  A breakfast that consisted of those mini crumb cake things with the cinnamon crumbs on top that looked a little like rabbit pellets or, for a change, those mini donuts that were crumbly on the outside.  And for a beverage to wash it down – a can of Coke, or a hot chocolate on chilly mornings.  (You know, from those machines where you pray the cup lands properly before the nuclear hot liquid starts pouring out because if it doesn’t you’re forced to choose between scalding your hand in an effort to right the cup and catch any remaining liquid or just walk away from your hot beverage that you were pretending was proper nutrients for a day of learning as well as your hard-earned money.)

Also, a further disclaimer … this is not the thing to eat if you wish for your figure to resemble anything other than, say, a bagel.

Which is exactly why, when I became an adult (according to the date on my driver’s license), I decided to set some sort of limit on when I would eat this deliciously happy creation.  I decided to eat them only when on a trip or a long drive (longer than the hour drive to visit family).

I have lost count of how many times I have eaten one of these in the presence of someone who had not yet been informed or exposed.  …  They  watch disgustedly.  Then oftentimes gather the courage to try a bite, after which they are surprised and confused by how very much they liked it!  Fortunately, courage comes in when I am nearly finished and then only have to share a bite or two.  …  I’m normally a kind and generous soul.  …  But, these are just too good to share.

Here is Texas Guy after trying his first one … after he had watched me eat one a month before and refused to even try it.

(Texas Guy is brave.  He is very brave.  Except when we are talking about food.  …  And don’t listen to him when he says, “I’ll try anything once.”  It’s quite simply not true.  But he loves to say it.)

Notice the look of surprise – I can’t believe this is good!

… amusement – I can’t believe I’m eating this!  …

… and that other look, that I can’t quite put my finger on that says – Is there anything she doesn’t take a picture of?!

And, notice, we are in the truck  … we were camping  …  that is a qualified, approved Bagel Cream Cheese and Doritos eating occasion!

Now … back to the bagel …

See the cream cheese oozing out of the center?

Remember that sight.   …   commit it to memory  …   it is key to your happiness  …  I will explain later.

Now …

Remember the happiness I mentioned earlier?

There it is.




Bagels Cream Cheese and Doritos.


Bagels Cream Cheese And Doritos

This might not seem like the type of thing that requires a recipe.  …  Oh, but it does.   …  Here we go …

For each serving, you will need …

1 plain bagel

Now this is not the time for those amazingly wonderful things that are proper representatives of the bagel species.  Not those things that have a somewhat chewy exterior, a simple yet beautiful inside, and makes you want to kiss whoever made such deliciousness to make your life more lovely.  Go to the grocery store and grab yourself a sleeve of mass-produced, soft bagels.  I know, I hate to suggest such thing.  But, you will see.  It’s for the best.  You have soft gooshy cream cheese in there and delicate, easily destroyed Doritos.  Go ahead, buy them.  It will be OK.  Promise.

2 ounces of cream cheese  … or maybe 3.

I know, that’s a lot of cream cheese!  And it will go straight to your … well, where it goes is no one’s business but your own.  And it’s squished between two bagel halves that lack … whole grains.   But, this is the way it has to be.   …  Hence, my self-imposed limits.


A small bag is plenty for a person or two.  Depending on how small the bag is.

Split a bagel in half.

Spread half of the cream cheese on the bottom piece – making sure to spread the cream cheese over the hole in the center.

Then place two layers of Doritos on top.

That’s enough.  Anything more might upset the delicate balance of the universe and this happiness producing creation.

Spread the remaining cream cheese on the top half of the bagel.

Place the top half of the bagel on top of the Doritos and gently push down.

You will hear some of the Doritos cracking.  But this is important to help keep everything together … sort of.

Now, … take note of the cream cheese oozing out of the center hole just a little.  And now you understand why it was so important to spread it over the hole and not around it.  It is something akin to the center of a cinnamon roll.  Seeing it in all it’s deliciousness immediately centers your whole world and everything makes sense.


And, remember … make sure you eat most of it before that person sitting next to you, staring at you like you’ve fallen off your rocker and into a pond of sludge, takes note of the look of bliss on your face and decides maybe they will try a bite after all.

There are plenty of other opportunities in life for generosity.