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my mind is unorganized and somewhat discombobulated.



I would like to hide from the world.

I would like to do nothing but cozy up somewhere, enjoy my children, and read my library book.


I had to check up on forms and details for an appointment tomorrow.

I had to call a couple of establishments that render medical services.  One was very helpful. One was not so helpful, but compensated the lack of help with unpleasant attitude.   …   Not the trade off I would prefer.  I just do not understand how this sort of behavior becomes acceptable to someone.   …   Even if it is a Monday.


I allowed another person’s negativity and my own worries affect me.



after months (or, in some cases, years) of managing my old tendency to worry with my newly learned behaviors, I began to worry.

I used to be a worrier.  A professional worrier.  I finally learned not to worry.  …  Well, sometimes I still worry.  Just not on such a grandeous scale.   …  Tomorrow I have an appointment for an ultrasound to check on the baby.  This always makes me worry a little.  And even more so this time because I have a condition called “advanced maternal age”.  This pregnancy comes with a list of risks and concerns that have a higher number listed next to each one – a higher number than with many of my previous pregnancies.  I am praying that the ultrasound will show a wonderfully perfect and healthy baby.  Even still, I will feel much better when I can see my baby, hold my baby, hear my baby, and smell my baby.  (I live through my senses.  Who doesn’t?)   …   I also have an appointment to check in on my thyroid mass.  It was found about 6 years ago cohabitating peacefully next to another mass.  The other mass was larger and found to be cancer.  So, it had to be evicted.  Every now and then, I check on the mass that is still there.  And now, as I realize how long it has been there (if not longer, unnoticed) I feel I should give it a name.  I might work on that some day.  Meanwhile, I pray that a biopsy is done tomorrow and that the-mass-that-is-yet-to-be-named is found to be benign.  I do love to hear the term “cancer free”.  It’s even better than – calorie free, toxin free, formaldehyde free, etc.


I was reminded of our current weather situation when I went to The Weather Channel site and saw this map of storms and heat relief to the midwest and northeast.

Texas – which as I have mentioned before, is currently overachieving in the area of record-setting drought and high temperatures – is not included in this Storm and Heat Relief party.

Then I scrolled down to see another map.

Texas, for the most part, is uninvited to the party.

And then, one more map, showing the cooling trend.

I could cry.

But here in the land where cold water hasn’t come out of the faucet in so long that the possibility that something like that could happen is a faint memory, where our water heater is probably thinking it has been fired, and where water is such a shortage that tears would be a terrible and shameful waste of moisture, I will refrain from crying.

For now.


amongst all of these things, I am weighing a good deal of things in my mind.

There are many major portions of my life that need to be reevaluated.  And changes need to be made.  And I really don’t feel like doing any of that.  Even though these decisions and changes should, in the end, have a positive effect on our lives – mine and my family’s.  Who likes making big decisions and changes?

Well.  Actually.  I do.  Sort of.  Sometimes.



do I cozy up, enjoy my children, read my library book, and hide from the world?


do I roll up my sleeve and dive in to the mess to clean out, clean up, check my compass, and forge ahead?

Truth be told, I will likely try to do a little of both.