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Today,

my mind is unorganized and somewhat discombobulated.

😦

Today,

I would like to hide from the world.

I would like to do nothing but cozy up somewhere, enjoy my children, and read my library book.

Today,

I had to check up on forms and details for an appointment tomorrow.

I had to call a couple of establishments that render medical services.  One was very helpful. One was not so helpful, but compensated the lack of help with unpleasant attitude.   …   Not the trade off I would prefer.  I just do not understand how this sort of behavior becomes acceptable to someone.   …   Even if it is a Monday.

Today,

I allowed another person’s negativity and my own worries affect me.

Drat.

Today,

after months (or, in some cases, years) of managing my old tendency to worry with my newly learned behaviors, I began to worry.

I used to be a worrier.  A professional worrier.  I finally learned not to worry.  …  Well, sometimes I still worry.  Just not on such a grandeous scale.   …  Tomorrow I have an appointment for an ultrasound to check on the baby.  This always makes me worry a little.  And even more so this time because I have a condition called “advanced maternal age”.  This pregnancy comes with a list of risks and concerns that have a higher number listed next to each one – a higher number than with many of my previous pregnancies.  I am praying that the ultrasound will show a wonderfully perfect and healthy baby.  Even still, I will feel much better when I can see my baby, hold my baby, hear my baby, and smell my baby.  (I live through my senses.  Who doesn’t?)   …   I also have an appointment to check in on my thyroid mass.  It was found about 6 years ago cohabitating peacefully next to another mass.  The other mass was larger and found to be cancer.  So, it had to be evicted.  Every now and then, I check on the mass that is still there.  And now, as I realize how long it has been there (if not longer, unnoticed) I feel I should give it a name.  I might work on that some day.  Meanwhile, I pray that a biopsy is done tomorrow and that the-mass-that-is-yet-to-be-named is found to be benign.  I do love to hear the term “cancer free”.  It’s even better than – calorie free, toxin free, formaldehyde free, etc.

Today,

I was reminded of our current weather situation when I went to The Weather Channel site and saw this map of storms and heat relief to the midwest and northeast.

Texas – which as I have mentioned before, is currently overachieving in the area of record-setting drought and high temperatures – is not included in this Storm and Heat Relief party.

Then I scrolled down to see another map.

Texas, for the most part, is uninvited to the party.

And then, one more map, showing the cooling trend.

I could cry.

But here in the land where cold water hasn’t come out of the faucet in so long that the possibility that something like that could happen is a faint memory, where our water heater is probably thinking it has been fired, and where water is such a shortage that tears would be a terrible and shameful waste of moisture, I will refrain from crying.

For now.

Today,

amongst all of these things, I am weighing a good deal of things in my mind.

There are many major portions of my life that need to be reevaluated.  And changes need to be made.  And I really don’t feel like doing any of that.  Even though these decisions and changes should, in the end, have a positive effect on our lives – mine and my family’s.  Who likes making big decisions and changes?

Well.  Actually.  I do.  Sort of.  Sometimes.

So,

today,

do I cozy up, enjoy my children, read my library book, and hide from the world?

Or,

do I roll up my sleeve and dive in to the mess to clean out, clean up, check my compass, and forge ahead?

Truth be told, I will likely try to do a little of both.

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